All relationships need boundaries. In fact, these boundaries are not meant to be put around the relationship itself. It is our own hearts that need these boundaries, to guard it so that nothing harmful would flow from it. We guard our hearts so that those raw, emotional reactions would first be processed in there, so that we wouldn’t do or say things we would regret later on. Boundaries are what keeps a relationship healthy and strong.
But setting up fences can sometimes be offensive. Setting boundaries means we can’t always make our partners happy or satisfy them. Putting limits can hurt even our partners.
We complain, “shouldn’t love be so extravagant and unconditional and limitless?”
Yes, love is all of that, but you aren’t.
Remember that boundaries are about knowing the limits of your own humanness. Remember that your boundaries deal with yourself — knowing your limits, knowing what you should, will, should not, and will not do — and not with the other person. It is not about what the other person does. It is not even about demanding the other person to respect your boundaries. It’s about you, your decisions, actions, and responsibilities.
So when you’re setting up your boundaries, remember that wisdom and love go hand in hand. One of the many facets of love is honor. When you draw the lines, always strive to be wise and honoring to the other person. And, because love is honoring, the person who truly loves you will respect and honor your limits.
Boundaries help you love your partner better, because you will love them out of the place of love in its purest form, not obligation or emotion.
That extravagant, unconditional, and limitless love needs a vessel to hold it — not one that is filled with other baggage or one that has leaks on it, but a healthy, whole, and authentic vessel.